Warning Labels #JusJoJan

General 2 Minutes

Today’s word in Linda Hill’s Just Jot It January comes to us from our good friend Dan Antion, who plies the blogging trade over at No Facilities. His word for today is WARNING.

A few years ago, I got to thinking about warning labels and some of the phrases contained on them, and it kind of got out of hand and soon I was including all kinds of phrases from all over the place. It went something like this…

WARNING: Contents under pressure. Do not puncture or incinerate can. Keep out of the reach of children. Harmful or fatal if swallowed. If sprayed in eyes, flush with water. Contact a Poison Control Center immediately. Do not induce vomiting. Do not exceed 6 pills in 24 hours except as directed by a physician. Post no bills. In case of fire, do not use elevator, use the stairs. If this had been an actual emergency, the attention signal you just heard would have been followed by news and official information or instructions. Do not attempt. Professional driver on closed course. Intentional misuse by deliberate concentration and inhalation of fumes may be harmful or fatal. Use with adequate ventilation. Not intended for use by children under the age of twelve. If splashed in eyes, flush with water. Seek immediate medical attention. Void where prohibited or taxed. No deposit, no return. Cook to a minimum internal temperature of 160°. Dispose of properly. The programs telecast by this station may not be used for any purpose except exhibition at the time of their telecast on receivers of the type ordinarily used for home reception in places where no admission, cover, or mechanical operating charges are made. If product does not perform properly, return for refund or replacement. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Any reproduction or other use of the accounts, descriptions or play-by-play of this game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Not to be taken internally. Cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health. Do not mix with chlorine bleach. Stand on the right, walk on the left. Please hold handrail. Please do not leave children unattended. Unattended children will be given a free puppy. Maximum capacity 2000 lbs. Authorized personnel only. No smoking past this point. Employees must wash hands before returning to work. No loitering. Visitors must use main entrance and sign in at main office. It’s not how long you make it, it’s how you make it long. Make deliveries in rear. Address service requested. Notary Sojac. To avoid electric shock, unplug before cleaning. Safety hat and goggles required. No soliciting, peddling, handbills, or overnight parking. Ask attendant to replace towel. Please keep area clean. In case of fire, break glass. Alarm will sound if door is opened. This neighborhood is protected by neighborhood crime watch volunteers.

Can you think of anything to add?

Published by John Holton

Internet disc jockey, lover of old TV (especially the commercials), inveterate wise guy.

Published

31 thoughts on “Warning Labels #JusJoJan”

  1. and of course, “Unattended children will be given a free puppy” good to know! it is kinda fun to read them all run together, can get a bit crazee!

    Like

  2. I am going to be on the look out now for some warnings. Most should be common sense but for me some days that is in short supply. :)

    Like

    1. They’re there because people are stupid. For example, Preparation-H has a warning “Not to be taken orally.” You just know someone wrote them and said “I ate a whole tube of your Preparation-H and I still have hemorrhoids”…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Just Jot It January — Danger! | joeyfullystated
  4. Pingback: The Fifth Anniversary Week That Was (Including Battle of the Bands Results) – The Sound of One Hand Typing

  5. My fave of all time was the warning on the turkey fryer not to put a frozen turkey in the hot oil or it would “explode and kill you.”

    Like

  7. These are excellent. Reminds me of the ads on TV where they are promoting a drug to help with a specific ailment and then they list dozens of warnings that may cause harm. Go figure.

    Like

  8. How about ” Best if used by (insert date)” on food packaging. What does this really mean? It implies you can safely use after the date, but how long after? -a week? – a month? -a year?

    Like

  11. Unless I missed seeing it in your list, I hear this one a lot… ‘don’t try this at home’, and you just know someone already did, or will try it anyway and then there will be lawsuits.

    Like

Comments are closed.