Wind #socs

If the following offends you, just remember: Linda started it.

Today’s topic is “bodily functions,” in which we’re encouraged to write about one or more bodily functions. Linda even provided us with this handy-dandy list of them. I’d like to focus on two of them: eructation and flatus.

That’s right, burping and farting.

From a very early age, guys (myself included) think these two particular things are hysterical, and as they get older, they just seem to get funnier. Why? They just are.

Burping is a natural consequence of eating and drinking, of course. As you eat or drink something, you’re bound to swallow some air, and carbonated and fermented drinks (e.g. Coke and beer) have effervescence added or are naturally effervescent, meaning you’re also swallowing carbon dioxide, thus adding to the amount of loose gas in your stomach. Eventually that air, carbon dioxide, and other gas produced by the digestive process needs to be released, so you burp. The genteel thing to do when that happens is to try and belch as quietly as possible and to excuse yourself when that happens. Girls and women, who are more adept at handling thmselves in polite company, seem to handle this much better than boys and men. For the ladies, having to burp is seen as an inconvenience; for the guys, it’s more a competitive sport. When I was in grammar school, I had a friend who would spend a lot of time swallowing air, particularly when we were on our way to a school assembly, so that he could announce his arrival when we got there. He was truly the George Beverly Shea of burping, at least at our school.

A friend of mine once told me this joke:

What did one burp say to the other burp?
Let’s be stinkers and go out the back.

Some of the gas created by the digestive process escapes through the mouth when you burp. The rest exits the body through the hole at the other end of the digestive process…

Guys find farting, at any time, to be utterly hilarious. Just the word “fart” is enough to make some guys (myself included) laugh like idiots. There’s a scene in J. D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye where Holden Caulfield, the narrator and (anti)hero of the book, is sitting in the chapel of his boarding school with all his classmates, listening to one of the school’s benefactors drone on at length about how great a person he was. The talk ended shortly after one of Holden’s classmates farted loudly, causing his classmates to erupt in gales of laughter. The next day, the headmaster of the school assembled the boys and demanded to know who had done it. Holden’s comment was that everyone was hoping the guy would do it again.

I subscribed to National Lampoon for a while back in the ’80’s, and can only remember one thing: one of the “Foto Funnies”…

If you were wondering where Howard Stern came up with the character, that was it.

I could go on and on (and on and on and on…), but I’m past my five minutes…


Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. All complaints should be addressed to her. Now a word about the Trick Shot Gun from Ideal. It’s a wonderful toy! It’s Ideal!

21 thoughts on “Wind #socs

  1. I am trying to be quiet so I have to listen to Monty and Lampoon later. I am one gal who finds farts funny and I know I am in the minority. Now, it is not funny if one is at a social function and you have to…go but you can’t, so you do the squirm and hopes no one notices. I also hate it when I am walking down an aisle and come into the crop dusting ferment. Now, that is just rude:). My exes brothe4 had a fart machine and, once, he placed it on his window and when someone parked below, he turned on the machine. Once there was an elderly couple and he turned on the machine. The woman walked around the car and smacked her innocent husband! Hahahaaaaa. That is hilarious!! Not so funny were my parents who hated farts and found that people who do this out loud etc…were below animals. I thought it was horrible if I did this which led to years of major discomfort in my tummy where I had to lie out flat to calm the pain. My ex, who was my boyfriend at that time, figured out what was wrong and convinced me to…”let it out”. It took a long while for me to realize this was not a bad thing and, since then, no more tummy issues.

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    1. I cut the Monty Python sketch down to just that one little bit, but the whole thing is hilarious.

      Dad had a saying: Better to belch and bear the shame, than to squelch the belch and bear the pain. As you’ve discovered, the sme can be said about farts….

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  2. The remember Linda started it line cracked me up and from there this post just kept getting better. I learned about George Beverly Shea. Pretty cool. I guess I am odd lady out because I thought your friend’s fart joke was hilarious. I just told it to Lulu and she was like “oh mom really?!?!? ” And you managed to bring in one of my favorite characters – Holden Caulfield. Nice touch.

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  3. LOL! I believe there are far too many women missing out on the action – I for one appreciate sharing a good one of both forms – both are a natural bodily function, why hold it back? 😉

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    1. I think, as you get older, you get more honest about bodily functions such as these. It’s a good sign that you’re over the part of your life where you worry about looking suave…

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  4. Great post, John. “Better out than in” is a phrase my husband has used often. I did try to teach our son to at least say “excuse me” when he does those things in public.

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  5. I laughed out loud at the vision of you laughing like an idiot at the word, “fart.” Girls and women work so hard to be discreet. Boys certainly know how to have fun when it comes to farting.

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  6. Lawdy, I live with a guy who thinks burping and farting are hysterical. He’s passed that love of bodily functions on to BOTH of our kids. My daughter in particular is all about the burping and farting. She will be the riot among all her guy friends!

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  7. Haha! I raised four sons and counting the hubs that makes five. You can imagine the atmosphere in our house. When around a particular male family member of his, there were air-letting contests, of which there would be ratings. They loved that I didn’t mind these fests and gave my own ratings. Ahhhhh…the memories. 🙄I miss haiving my own little stinkers around all the time.

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