Wishin’ And Hopin’ #jusjojan

There are times I wish I had a "do-over," a mulligan on life. I know it would never happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want a do-over.

One of my favorite lines from Grumpy Old Men was uttered by Burgess Meredith, or rather the character he was playing: You can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one gets full first. Or something like that.

And there’s the old adage, "A goal is a wish with a deadline."

Two jokes "borrowed" from the late, great Dave Allen:

This shipwrecked man stumbles upon an old lamp, rubs it and POOF! a genie appears. "What is your first wish?" the genie asks. "Man, I’m thirsty. How about a bottle of beer?" Instantly a bottle of cold beer (if it was Dan, a Corona) appears in the guy’s hand, and he sucks about half of it down. "What is your second wish?" the genie asks. "I’ll tell you when I finish this" the guy says. "That’s a special bottle of beer," the genie laughs. "It’ll never go empty. When you drink from it, it automatically fills back up." "Really? How many more wishes do I get?" "Two," the genie says. "I’ll have two more of these, then!"

Another man is walking through a forest and sees a leprechaun sitting on a tree stump, runs up and grabs the little man and says "Gotcha! You have to give me your pot o’ gold!" The leprechaun says "I ain’t got no pot o’ gold, but I can give ye t’ree wishes! But, there’s a catch: whatever I give you, I give twice as much to O’Malley, your worst enemy!" The guy thinks and says "My first wish is for a mansion with twelve rooms and six bathrooms!" POOF! a mansion with twelve rooms and six bathrooms appears, then POOF! a mansion with 24 rooms and twelve bathrooms appears, with O’Malley sitting on the stoop. "God love ye, boy!" O’Malley says. "I never thought ye liked me!" "What’s yer second wish?" the leprechaun asks. "I’d a dozen of the most beautiful women in the world!" POOF! A dozen of the most beautiful women in the world are standing in front of him, then POOF! two dozen equally beautiful women surround O’Malley. "God LOVE ye, boy!" O’Malley says. "Twenty four of the loveliest creatures on earth, all for me!" The leprechaun says "Okay, lad, what’s yer t’ird wish?" The guy looks at O’Malley, turns to the leprechaun and says "I’d like my libido cut in half."

Linda Hill is the brains behind Just Jot It January. Now here’s Dusty Springfield with "Wishin’ And Hopin’."