I apologize in advance for any pain you might experience reading this…
The most excruciating nerve pain I have ever experienced was the time when one of the muscles in my groin trapped one of the nerves down there. This had been bothering me all day, and when I tried to lie down, it was so tight that I was afraid to, because I knew it would make the muscle tighten up more and trap the nerve even further, and it was going to hurt like hell.
I sat on the edge of the bed and tried easing myself into a supine position, and it tugged and started to hurt, and I sat back up. I did this multiple times over two hours, hoping that the megadose of naproxen sodium I take every night would kick in and maybe loosen things up enough to where I could lie down and it wouldn’t hurt as much, but that wasn’t happening.
Finally, I was tired enough and pissed off enough that I said, "I know this is going to hurt like hell, but I’m just going to lie down really fast and maybe, just maybe, it’ll be enough to yank the nerve out from under the muscle." I took a deep breath, counted to three, and threw myself back on the bed.
It was all I could do to keep from screaming and waking up the neighborhood. I saw stars for a good five minutes. Gradually, the pain lessened. I tried to move my leg, and it was fine. I guess the sudden movement did yank the nerve out from under the muscle.
Then I got mad at myself. I reasoned that it would have hurt just as much two hours earlier, and I should have just sucked it up and done it then. I was too tired to continue with berating myself, rolled over and went to sleep.
(Yes, I know: Childbirth is worse….)
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. Now a word about Robert Burns Cigarillos. Remember, if it’s not by Robert Burns, it’s not a real cigarillo!