Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1 Ep 24, “How To Cook A German Goose By Radar”

LOGLINE: A new prisoner irritates everyone until he reveals himself to be a general in need of assistance in directing a bombing mission.

The show opens with Schultz and Hogan marching across the compound to Klink’s office. Klink is furious because the prisoners blew raspberries at him during roll call. Hogan tells him that was a Bronx cheer and it was meant to show respect for him. Klink brightens considerably after that, then starts to tell Hogan something, but Hogan has managed to read it off the clipboard on Klink’s desk. Klink dismisses Hogan, who blows him a Bronx cheer on the way out.

Hogan returns to the barracks and tells his men that they’re getting a new prisoner, so don’t talk about any "activity" until they’ve had a chance to vet him. The word goes out that he’s coming in, and they all go out to watch. A truck pulls up to the kommandant’s office and Tillman gets out. He’s an older man and he’s wearing corporal’s stripes. Klink remarks at how the Americans must be "scraping the bottom of the barrel," then turns him over to Hogan.

Right away, Tillman rubs everyone the wrong way. He tells Hogan to stop calling him "Pop," and refuses to share his cigarettes with anyone else in the barracks. Hogan sends him off to take a shower, and immediately he and his men decide that Cpl. Walter Tillman has to go. Hogan’s plan is to have him branded as a firebug, someone who likes to light fires.

Later, the men are cleaning up outside, around the kommandant’s office. They’ve already piled a lot of scrap paper into the wire trash can on the porch, which LeBeau has soaked with some accelerant. Hogan comes up and asks LeBeau for a light. He lights his cigarette and tosses the match into the trash can, setting it ablaze. They put the fire out after Klink comes out and sees the conflagration.

Klink summons Hogan to his office, demanding to know who set the fire. Hogan tells him that it was the new guy, Tillman, and tells him the guy is nothing but trouble and convinces him to transfer Tillman to Stalag 18.

Hogan returns to the barracks and finds Tillman going through his office, ostensibly to find a match. Tillman then reveals that he’s in fact General Tillman Walters. Hogan doesn’t believe him until Walters rattles off several things about Hogan that only a general would know. Hogan is still skeptical, so the general tells him to listen to the BBC because in several minutes they’ll broadcast a coded message for him. The BBC broadcast ends with a message that Kinch decodes, saying that Tillman is the general and that they are to give him all the help he needs.

General Walters explains to Hogan that they have been bombing chemical plants and the latest is a new plant 30 miles east of the camp. In order to get the bombers to that plant, they need to install a radar unit which will guide the bombers to the plant. He produces a small radar unit from his cigarette pack and says that all they need to do is find where it should be installed. Hogan says they had better hurry, because "Tillman" is being transferred out of camp. LeBeau and Newkirk meet Hogan and Walters in the barracks and tell them that the truck that was to take "Tillman" to Stalag 18 has been disabled, and produce a gun sight with which they can take measurements.

Hogan, his men, and Walters are outside taking measurements to calculate where the radar unit goes, and Schultz comes up, saying he needs to take Tillman to Stalag 18, because Klink thinks he’s already there. When reminded that the truck is disabled, Schultz tells them that he plans on taking the prisoner by motorcycle. While he’s frisking Tillman, Klink comes marching over, and Walters hides behind the rest of the men. Klink orders Schultz to come with him.

Walters is plotting where the radar unit needs to go, and is upset because it needs to be placed on the guard tower. Hogan comes up with a plan: He tells Helga that she has the perfect bone structure for modeling and acting, and asks if she has any pictures. When she says no, Hogan says he’ll take the pictures. He asks if she has a swimsuit, because "sometimes they like to see more than bone structure."

A couple of minutes later, Hogan and Walters sneak out of the camp and stand by the guard tower as LeBeau starts taking pictures of Helga, first with her coat on, then with her coat open, showing off her figure in the swimsuit. Naturally, the guard ignores everything to gawk at the lovely Helga, whereupon Hogan scales the guard tower and places the unit where it needs to go, descending the ladder just as the guard turns to look behind him.

Walters, Hogan, and the heroes uncork a bottle of champagne to celebrate a job well done, when Hogan notices that the wire they used to measure off distances was cut and tied back together, making it six inches shorter than they thought. Walters calculates quickly and said that the radar unit needed to be moved six inches. They send Walters out through the tunnel and makes his way out of camp.

Hogan and Newkirk are standing close to the guard tower, and Hogan asks if Newkirk has his "pencil sharpener," i.e. his knife. Newkirk pulls out the knife and throws it, puncturing the tire of a car sitting outside. Hogan yells at Newkirk, and Klink demands that Newkirk fix the tire. Once outside with access to the guard tower, Hogan uses the car jack to tip the guard tower enough to tip it six inches just as the bombers fly overhead. The mission is a success, thanks to Hogan and his Heroes.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • J. Pat O’Malley as Cpl. Walter Tillman/Genl. Tillman Walters

This is one of my favorite episodes, mostly because it’s a good example of what you need math (especially geometry) for.

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