Anyway…. #socs

Stream of Consciousness Saturday 2 Minutes

“Anyway” is a funny word. It’s made up of a noun (way) and a verb (any), and it’s an adverb. Not only that, “any way” and “anyway” aren’t interchangeable. Think of Chicago’s song “Anyway You Want”…

The first line of the song is “Anyway you want me, it’s alright with me.” In other words, if the person he’s singing to, presumably a woman, wants him to be a friend, a boyfriend, a lover, a paramour, a stranger, etc., it’s alright with him. Friend, boyfriend etc. are ways their relationship can go, and she may choose any one of them. So, the correct thing to say is “Any way you want me, it’s alright with me.”

I’d like to make one further correction, having to do with the word “alright.” Back when I was a lad, I was taught by Sister Mary Antagonista, SHCJ that “alright” is NOT a word, and that it should be written as two words, “all right.” As far as she was concerned, people who used “alright” instead of “all right” should be cast into hell with Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls and English papers.

Sister Mary Antagonista, SHCJ also taught us this prayer

Anyway…

“Anyway” is more of a transition, an indication that the person who says it is changing the subject. Dan Rowant, of the comedy team Rowan and Martin, would use “moving right along” to achieve the same goal, which in his case was to get Dick Martin to quit talking about wherever his stream-of-consciousness mind had taken him, which was usually some innuendo of a prurient nature. I used “anyway” all the time when I was teaching, usually because I had stopped the lecture to answer a question, or more likely tell a joke. Like this one…

A duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk “Got any grapes?”

The clerk says “No, we don’t sell fresh produce here.”

The duck leaves, and comes back a half hour later. “Got any grapes?”

The clerk once again says “No, like I told you last time, we don’t sell fresh fruit here.”

The duck leaves, and half an hour later comes back. “Got any grapes?”

The clerk gets really mad, grabs the duck by the neck, and says “FOR THE LAST TIME, NO, WE DON’T HAVE ANY GRAPES! AND, SO HELP ME GOD, YOU COME BACK ONE MORE TIME AND ASK IF I HAVE ANY GRAPES, I’LL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!” He then tosses the duck out the door.

An hour later, the duck comes back into the store. “Got any nails?”

The clerk says, “No, we don’t have nails.”

The duck replies “GOOD! GOT ANY GRAPES?”

Anyway, that does it for this week…

Linda is still running Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and we thank her for keeping it up. Now a word from Post, makers of Alpha-Bits Cereal!

Published by John Holton

Internet disc jockey, lover of old TV (especially the commercials), inveterate wise guy.

Published

31 thoughts on “Anyway…. #socs”

  2. That was a really smart duck. I wonder what Sister Mary Antagonista would say about the duck starting a question with Got. I went to Catholic school in fifth grade for three months in Philadelphia before we moved. That was quite enough.

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    1. I have to say that, for every Sister Mary Antagonista, there were two or three that did an excellent job of teaching and cared that we learned. Many of the Sisters who taught us never actually went to college, and a few were not doing what they wanted. The Sister I had in eighth grade had been a missionary in South America for many years and, while she did an excellent job, her heart wasn’t always in it. Several years later they sent her back and she was very happy to go.

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  5. LOL cute joke. One of my pet peeves is people who add an S to the end of anyway. The English language has many ways to spell words of course and I have trouble sometimes with alright too but no way “anyways” is right. Not even any ways. Have a great weekend, John.

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  9. LOL, I will be thinking of grapes and nails the next time I walk into a convenience store.

    Anyway, I remember the alright and all right lessons in school, but don’t remember being told I’d go to hell if I didn’t get it right. Ha! I guess you were scared straight, John, but I wonder what the sister would have done if one of her students said or wrote, “A’right!”

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    1. I was (only slightly) exaggerating the “casting into hell” part, but they made quite a stink about “alright.” I imagine they’re all spinning in their graves when they see what’s being done to the language today. Can’t say I blame them…

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  11. I use anyway all the time, mostly to get back to the main subject after following many other thoughts.
    Love the Duck & Grape joke. There’s a whole cartoon video of that and it’s really cute. :)

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