Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1 Ep 20, “It Takes A Thief… Sometimes”

LOGLINE: Hogan’s latest underground contacts are secretly German spies.

Schultz is playing poker with the Heroes and is, naturally, out of money. He offers some information in exchange for staying in the game: There was a nearby bridge that was blown up, and after that a barn burned down. He tells them that the Germans believe it’s an underground group. Naturally, he loses the hand, but Hogan tries to console him by saying that he’s a lousy poker player, but a great traitor.

Hogan and LeBeau, dressed in black, walk into a barn where a small group is gathered, three men and a French girl (whose name is Michelle, though her name isn’t used in the episode). Hogan criticizes their security precautions (no guard outside, a light clearly visible) and sends LeBeau out to act as sentry (which he complains about, because the girl is French, like he is). The leader of the group tells him about what they’ve done, and suggests to Hogan that the two groups can work together. Before they get much further, an Allied bombing raid begins. Hogan says they’re better outside, and takes the girl out with him. Once outside, they talk to each other, and talk soon becomes romantic entanglement. LeBeau appears and tells Hogan that the raid seems to have ended, but Hogan isn’t listening…

The next day. Klink is in his office with an SS Captain Heinrich, who happens to be the leader of the underground group. He’s pointing out all the sabotage that’s been going on and that Stalag 13 is at the center of it. He accuses Klink of not paying attention, and says that he knew there was a strong band of partisans causing the trouble, so he started his own band to draw them out. He says that there’s one strategic target left, a railroad tunnel, and that he’ll suggest a joint mission with the other group, which will lead them into a trap for Klink and his guards.

Hogan and his men have heard this entire conversation on the "coffeepot," and after Hogan chastises himself for not realizing they were impostors, decides that he’ll have their group blow up the railroad tunnel.

That night, Hogan and LeBeau meet the underground group (Heinrich’s group) and proposes blowing up Stalag 13. Heinrich suggests instead the railroad tunnel and Hogan says "small potatoes." He tells Heinrich that he’ll supply the men if Heinrich supplies the dynamite. He and LeBeau leave despite Heinrich’s protests. Michelle follows them out and, after LeBeau is sent to stand guard, tries to talk Hogan into leaving Germany with her. Hogan says that in war, you survive by not getting involved. She goes back in and LeBeau says "it’s hard when you love somebody and they’re on the other side." Hogan says that he’s going to ask Klink for a furlough…

Heinrich, in uniform, drives up to the building at Stalag 13 where they keep the dynamite. Evidently he and Klink have arranged to put fake dyamite into the storage building. Schultz is "guarding" the building (he’s asleep on his feet until Heinrich slams the door of the truck), and Heinrich tells him to fill a requisition for cases of dynamite. Schultz calls Hogan over and asks him to get a work detail of prisoners to fill the order. Hogan and Heinrich catch a glimpse of one another, but say nothing. When Hogan and Schultz go into the storeroom, they find Hogan’s men replacing the cases of fake dynamite with the real stuff. Schultz threatens to report them, and Hogan insinuates that they’re doing this based on knowledge he gave them. Schultz decides it’s better if he knows nothing.

Hogan and his men change the fake dynamite for real. Source:IMDb

Heinrich is in Klink’s office, and Klink is calling Berlin to get reinforcements. Heinrich hangs up the phone before the call is made and tells him that the guards should be able to handle this themselves. He tells Klink to stay by the shortwave radio in his office, and he’ll contact him when the plans are finalized.

Hogan goes to Klink and complains about the POW’s being forced to load munitions for the enemy. Klink tells him that everyone is confined to the barracks that evening, and any prisoner caught in the compound will be shot. Hogan notices the shortwave radio set up and guesses that Klink will be running a command post. Klink, proud of himself, starts boasting that tonight he’ll prove himself to be more than a desk officer, and tells Hogan he can peek at what’s going on. With Klink distracted talking about himself, Hogan cuts the radio wires.

Hogan, LeBeau, and Carter arrive at the barn, and Heinrich is incredulous: how do they manage to cause so much destruction with only three men? Hogan’s answer: they take vitamins. He then suggests blowing up the railroad tunnel instead. Heinrich is furious, but goes along with it, and tells them to wait near the truck while he takes care of something. He then calls Klink on a walkie-talkie, but ends up talking with Kinch (who does an incredible impression of Klink; Newkirk asks him if they’re related, and Kinch says he’ll have to ask), who tells him he’ll have fifty men near the tunnel, with him leading them.

Meantime, Schultz is trying to get the shortwave working and discovers that the wires have been cut. Klink says that means they’re already in the compound, and to gather the troops at the gate.

Carter and LeBeau are in the railroad tunnel witn Michelle and the other two fake underground agents. Hogan is outside the tunnel with Heinrich. Michelle dashes out of the tunnel to warn Hogan that Heinrich is Gestapo. Heinrich pulls a gun on Hogan and says that the dynamite is fake, and pushes down on the handle of the detonator to demonstrate. BOOM! LeBeau and Carter come out of the tunnel, saying that the other two wanted to stay and put down the dynamite. Heinrich tells them not to move, gets in the truck, and drives off to Stalag 13. Michelle wants to run off because her family is being held by the Gestapo in France, and Hogan tells her not to worry, that he is certain that Heinrich won’t say anything.

Schultz, Klink, and the rest of the men are lined up with rifles and machine guns inside Stalag 13. When they hear Heinrich’s truck driving toward them, Klink issues the order to commence firing. A volley of bullets ends with the sound of the truck crashing. Klink issues a cease-fire, and asks Schultz who was in the truck. Schultz says "It’s the Gestapo captain."

Back at the railroad tunnel, Hogan and Michelle are kissing as LeBeau and Carter look away. Hogan tells her they’ll get her out of Germany, and she asks him if he’ll come. He says "after the war." She says "I do not like war."

Hogan and Klink are in the latter’s office discussing what went on the night before. Klink tells Hogan about the railroad tunnel being destroyed, and that, were the prisoners not confined to the barracks, he would suspect Hogan, who resents the insinuation. Klink then talks about the Gestapo captain, and Hogan suggests the scenario that he was shot by the saboteurs. Klink decides to go with that story in his report to Berlin.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Michael Constantine as Heinrich
  • Claudine Longet as Michelle

Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1 Ep 18, “The Gold Rush”

LOGLINE: The Germans have stolen a gold shipment from the French and Hogan must convince Klink to have it moved to the safety of Stalag 13.

A new prisoner, Captain Martin, arrives at Stalag 13, but Klink is more interested in finding out what took Schultz four hours to bring him from Hammelburg. Schultz tells him that he couldn’t leave until the shipment of gold which was "confiscated" (i.e. stolen) from the National Bank of France was loaded so that it could be taken to Dusseldorf.

Hogan and the Heroes are listening in over the coffeepot, and decides that they need to take the gold out of circulation (i.e. steal it). He knows that to do that, he’ll need to get the Germans to bring the truck with the gold to Stalag 13. He has Kinch print up a map of Hammelburg and write a bomber’s notation to Martin to conduct a bombing raid to bomb the bank in Hammelburg.

When Hogan is summoned to Klink’s office, he brings the fake orders with him, and slips them in among Martin’s personal belongings. Klink takes them, reads the "plans" to bomb the bank in Hammelburg, and says they’ll just bring the gold to Dusseldorf. Hogan counters by saying that the Allies will just bomb Dusseldorf, and that he’s glad they don’t store the gold at Stalag 13, which is the safest place in Germany. This gives Klink an idea: call the Gestapo and have them move the gold to Stalag 13 (which, of course, was the whole idea).

Next, Hogan and his men are sweeping up the stairs and porch of the kommandant‘s office. Schultz passes them and, when he sees and hears that the men are working without being ordered to, walks away saying "I know NOTHING!" When Klink sees this, he demands an explanation, and Hogan tells him that they wanted the office to look good for the Gestapo when they come into camp with the gold. Impressed, Klink tells them to carry on. When he’s in his office, LeBeau pulls out a small saw and cuts a deep enough notch in the top step so that, when Klink steps down onto them, they collapse.

The Heroes wait outside their barracks, and, when they Schultz come out and step on the top step, panic, thinking he’ll break the steps and they’ll have to pick him up, but amazingly the steps don’t collapse. Now they’re worried that LeBeau didn’t cut a large enough notch in the step, but when Klink exits his office and steps down onto the steps, they collapse and Klink is on the ground. Hogan’s explanation is that it was caused by termites, and when Klink points out that the step appears to have been cut, Hogan claims it was done by saw-toothed termites. He volunteers his men to to rebuild the stairs, but not out of wood: he wants to build the steps out of bricks. Klink tells Schultz to get the appropriate materials issued to the men.

They’re piling up the bricks outside Barracks 2 when the gold arrives, led by Major Krieger of the Gestapo. Schultz leads the truck to behind the barracks, with LeBeau and Carter stringing up a clothesline to stop the truck so it’s lined up with the back window of the barracks. Newkirk, on the pretense of playing a game of darts with Kinch, throws a dart through the window and sticking it into the back tire of the truck and breaking the springs, keeping the truck there overnight. They drug the coffee Schultz brings for the guards to knock them out while Hogan and crew are working. They carry the guards into the barracks and Carter and Newkirk put on their uniforms and go out to stand guard (and help get the gold out of the truck).

LeBeau shoves the metal boxes of gold out the back of the truck as Carter and Newkirk carry it to the window of the barracks. From there, the boxes are handed, bucket brigade style, to the men inside the tunnel. They take the bricks for Klink’s stairs and dip them in gold paint, and take the gold bars and dip them in red paint. When the paint on the bricks is dry, they’re placed in the metal boxes and handed back out to Carter and Newkirk, who pass them to LeBeau inside the truck.

Things get a little dicey when Major Krieger comes out to check on how his men (i.e. Carter and Newkirk in disguise) are doing. He says something in German to Newkirk, and Newkirk responds more or less believably, so the Major walks away.

The brick painted gold are all in the truck, so Hogan and his men redress the two guards and carry them outside, sitting them up on the ground behind the truck. Hogan wakes the guards and tells them they fell asleep and it’s lucky that an officer didn’t catch them. The next day, Major Krieger and the truck full of "gold" leave the camp while Hogan and his men are building the steps out of "bricks." When they’re finished, Klink compliments them on their work, and Hogan assures him that they’re as "good as gold."

Major Krieger returns to Stalag 13, angry because the shipment was light, leading him to believe that some of the gold was pilfered. He tells Klink that he intends to search the entire camp. Klink retorts that he can do just that, takes the guard’s gun and tells Krieger "If you find one ounce of gold here, you can shoot me with this rifle!" He hits the step with the butt of the rifle, scratching the paint and exposing the gold. Hogan sees this and steps on the exposed area, then when Krieger and Klink stomp off to conduct their search, Hogan sits on the steps. When Klink comes back and wants to know if Hogan will accompany them, he says "I think I’ll sit this one out."

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Tom Hatten as Martin
  • Rick Traeger as Krieger
  • Pitt Herbert as Gestapo Guard #1 (the other guard is uncredited)

Notes:

  • Howard Morris directed this episode.
  • In future episodes, the stairs are back to being wood.
  • Pictures are from the episode, and I used them under Fair Use. They’re VLC screenshots. I probably won’t use as many in the future.

Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1, Ep 17, “Happy Birthday, Adolf”

LOGLINE: Hogan and his men must destroy a German anti-aircraft artillery unit so that the Allies can send in a bombing raid on Hitler’s birthday.

The Heroes receive a coded message from "Mama Bear": They want a probing raid (reconnaissance) in advance of a bombing raid scheduled in two days as a "present" for Adolf Hitler’s birthday. (Hitler’s birthday is April 20, when the weather in Germany is fairly mild, but it’s perpetually winter at Stalag 13.) They want to know troop movements and other information about what’s going on in Sector Q (which, so far, we know nothing about), and they need it by 3 PM, after which they’ll be observing radio silence until the raid is over. Hogan "volunteers" LeBeau to do the reconnaissance.

LeBeau does reconnaissance

LeBeau goes out dressed as an elderly woman and stops a few feet away from an area that’s surrounded by a chain link fence with a sign that says (in German) "Halt – Exclusion zone – Unauthorized access strictly prohibited." He looks at the activity going on, checks some maps, and starts back to camp.

He arrives back at the camp after 3 PM, for which he apologizes: he was accosted by a platoon of German soldiers and the increased presence of troops meant he had to take a long detour. The Germans have evidently moved in a gun emplacement at Schmeckhausen, along the beach where they would be able to shoot down any planes coming across. LeBeau says there are twelve guns, all of which shoot "88’s," 88mm (3.5 inch) artillery shells. All seems lost until LeBeau makes a comment about being a nice present for Hitler. This gives Hogan an idea…

Captain Hoganburg and his driver

In the next scene, Captain Hoganburg (Hogan in a German infantry officer’s uniform), accompanied by LeBeau in a corporal’s uniform, is standing in the office of Major Keitel (played by Howard Caine), with orders (forged by the guys in the print shop) stating that Keitel should turn over command of the camp to Hoganburg for the celebration of der Fuhrer’s birthday. Keitel is understandably upset, and calls "headquarters" (Newkirk and Kinchloe sitting atop a telephone pole near Keitel’s office with a telephone set) to confirm with Colonel Stimmer. Stimmer (Newkirk) tells Keitel to follow the orders as written, and tells him fix up the buildings where he is.

Keitel is upset by all of these demands. How is he to fix everything up in time for the festivities, and Hoganburg has a suggestion: why not call Klink at Stalag 13 and ask him for help? With that, Hogan and LeBeau depart.

Hogan and Helga having a private moment

Back at Stalag 13, Hogan and Helga are busy making out as he waits for the commandant, and he asks her if she’d like to go to a party the next night and bring along a couple of her friends, "a nice assortment of blondes, brunettes, and redheads." She wants to know how he’s going to get out of camp, and he goes over to the door of Klink’s office and eavesdrops on the conversation Klink is having with Keitel. Klink is adamant about not letting the prisoners out of camp, but when he hears what the occasion is, he’s more than willing to help.

Klink tells Helga to get Hogan, who just happens to be there to request two hours’ extra electric light because of Hitler’s birthday. Klink assumes it’s so Hogan and his men can dig an escape tunnel and denies the request, and Hogan assures him they’ve finished the tunnel, now they’re putting in an elevator. Klink stands and walks around his desk (giving Hogan time to put the pickelhaube helmet from Klink’s desk onto the chair) and says that, if Hogan and his men agree to work at Schmeckhausen, he’ll get 40 extra minutes of electric light. They bicker and settle on a price of one extra hour of electric light and two ballgames, and Hogan departs, stopping to kiss Helga and to hear Klink’s reaction when he sits on the helmet…

Note the helmet on the chair

Next scene, Schultz brings the work detail to Schmeckhausen, and they decorate a room for the party, complete with balloons, streamers, and a banner that says "Happy Birthday Adolph." (Yes, they spell it that way and no, none of the Germans says anything about it.) When finishhed, Schultz counts the men as they get back onto the truck. After being counted, Carter, Newkirk, and LeBeau get out of the truck and hide. They dress in German uniforms, with Hogan dressed as their captain, and he warns them not to talk. LeBeau asks if it’s OK to whistle at the girls, and Hogan says "Only in German."

Hogan (as Hoganburg) is arguing with Keitel, who argues that he feels he should remain in command. Hoganburg argues that the orders are for Keitel to have a good time. On the pretense that he’s yelling at LeBeau, Hogan tells him to fetch the girls. As the argument continues, Helga and her friend, both looking gorgeous and dressed to kill, walk past, drawing Keitel’s attention. When he sees them standing and waiting for him, Keitel says "Call me if you need me."

Major Keitel and his dates for the Fuhrer’s birthday party

Hogan and crew set about doing the mischief they intended to do.

Back at Stalag 13, the men change from the German uniforms back into their usual clothes. LeBeau pours a bottle of wine ("practically vinegar," he says) into a decanter for Hogan to take to Klink’s office. In Klink’s office, Hogan sits with Klink and Schultz, drinking the wine and telling bad jokes.

In Schmeckhausen, the party goes on as an Allied assault mounts. When the air raid sirens begin to blast, Keitel and his men go out and man the artillery. All the guns are pointed at where the Allies are flying, and Keitel gives the order to fire. But, instead of 88mm shells, these pop out of the guns…

All Keitel can do is say "schweinhund!" over and over.

The next day, Keitel is in Klink’s office, arguing that the prisoners who set up the party sabotaged the guns. Klink fires back that the prisoners were all accounted for and couldn’t have done anything, and forces Keitel to admit that they did an excellent job getting ready for the party. Keitel says that Berlin will hear about it and storms out. Hogan, who’s listened to the whole argument, hides his face as Keitel passes him. Klink tells Hogan that, since they did such a good job cleaning up in Schmeckhausen, he’d like them to do the same. He and Hogan get into a negotiating war, with Helga watching, as the episode fades out.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Howard Caine as Keitel

Hogan’s Heroes: S1 Ep 16, “Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13”

LOGLINE: Hogan talks Klink into building an officers’ club, whereby a boat can be built to sail away with an escaped British POW and the German gunsight he snagged while escaping.

Hogan and LeBeau are on the road, waiting for Michaels, a British POW who has escaped Stalag 5, when the run into Schultz. Schultz is angry, reminding Hogan that he’s not supposed to leave the camp for any reason, and Hogan tells him they’re just out there to meet someone. Michaels drives up in a German truck, and tells Hogan that when he took the truck he didn’t realize that there was a new computerized gun sight, and suggests they take it apart, make blueprints, and send them to London. Hogan tells Michaels that he has a better idea, to send the gun sight back to London with him. Hogan, LeBeau, and Michaels start back to camp, and ask Schultz to hide the truck for them.

Later, in Klink’s office with Schultz, Klink is waving his riding crop in Hogan’s face, and asks if the name "Michaels" means anything. Hogan jokes that he knows a girl in England named Diane Michaels. Klink tells him that the Michaels he’s talking about has a mustache, and Hogan says, "no, that must be a different girl." Klink explains that "the fools at Stalag 5" allowed Michaels to escape with one of their trucks, and he was last seen headed for the coast, but he suddenly disappeared, truck and all. Klink believes that Michaels is in the area and intends to find him, and sends Schultz off to look for the truck.

In the tunnel, Hogan and the Heroes, with Michaels, are gathered around the shortwave set. The person back in London (who sounds suspiciously like Richard Dawson) says that they’d like Hogan to send both the gun sight and Michaels back as soon as possible, and when Hogan asks when the sub can make the pickup, he’s informed that the sub is unavailable and tells Hogan to figure out a way to get both back to London. Hogan says he will and signs off. Immediately Michaels and the Heroes want to know what Hogan has in mind, and Hogan says "If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s men with small, petty minds." Most likely meaning he has no idea.

Helga is filing papers when Hogan arrives with an affectionate "hello" and asks her if Klink is in his office. She says yes and walks him in. Klink is "very busy," but if Hogan insists… Hogan is standing right behind him when he turns around. Hogan gives him a duty roster and suddenly grabs Klink and helps him into his chair, seemingly concerned about his health. Helga plays along, running out of the room in tears.

Hogan suggests that Klink needs a place to relax and destress, and suggests an officer’s club "like the one they have at Stalag 5," which "Carter told [him] about." He sells Klink on the idea, and says that the best man to design it is LeBeau. Klink doesn’t like the idea of his men taking orders from a French corporal, but Hogan tells him that LeBeau gets his orders from Klink, so there should be no problem with it.

We then see that LeBeau’s vision for the officer’s club is a boat, complete with a figurehead that kind of looks like Helga. Schultz wants to know why LeBeau is building a ship in a prison camp, and what’s going to happen with Captain Michaels. When Hogan tries to tell him, Schultz decides he wants to know nothing about it. Klink arrives and demands to know why they’re building a ship, and Hogan tells him that there’s no better way to show "the real you." This pleases him, and he walks around to admire the whole boat. Kinch tells Hogan that he got a message from London that bad weather is expected, and Michels and the gun sight should leave the next night. At that moment, Klink comes up and says that he plans on having a party on his yacht the next night.

Klink emerges from his office into the reception area wearing a blue blazer, ascot, and captain’s hat, and begins a clumsy attempt to hit on Helga, calling her his Lorelei. It’s not obvious whether she finds his advances amusing or disgusting (probably both), but it ends when Hogan comes in to discuss plans for the party with Klink. As they’re talking, he mentions the guest list, specifically General Burkhalter, who Klink hasn’t invited. Hogan is aghast, saying that omitting one’s commanding officer would be seen as a major affront in the US Army. Hogan leaves as Klink tells Helga to call Burkhalter in Berlin.

Outside, LeBeau and Carter are supervising the loading of the party stuff onto the boat, including champagne and a crate marked "HORS D’OEUVRES" which contains the gun sight. Hogan comes out and asks Carter if he remembers what to say to Klink. Carter confirms Burkhalter’s name, which he promptly forgets when he gets into Klink’s office.

Carter’s story is that, when General Burkhalter saw the officer’s club at Stalag 5, he became incensed at the extravagance, and told the guy to get rid of it or he would be on his way to the Russian front. Klink, having gotten a call that Burkhalter is on his way and will be at Stalag 13 in an hour, runs out in a panic and tells Hogan and his men to destroy the ship. Hogan tells him that the men have put a lot of work into it, and suggests that instead of destroying it, maybe they should tow the boat to the North Sea and leave it there until after the war. Klink sends a squad of men to make sure that there’s no problem getting rid of the boat.

Hogan asks the squad leader if they would grab the lifeboat (where Captain Michaels is hidden) and load it onto the boat. They do so, and the squad leader and one of his men drive the boat out of Stalag 13 and presumably to the North Sea.

Burkhalter, who was obviously prepared for a far more enjoyable time than a dinner of stale sauerbraten at the officer’s mess, leaves after threatening Klink with transfer to the Russian Front. As he leaves, Hogan drives up to Klink in the truck that Michaels stole from Stalag 5. Klink gets the idea that, since the truck was out in the woods, Michaels must be as well, and sends his men to search for him.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Leon Askin as Burkhalter
  • Michael St. Clair as Michaels

Notes:

  • While this was the 16th episode in season 1, it was one of the earliest episodes filmed. Burkhalter is referred to as "Col. Burkhalter" in the credits, even though he’s called General Burkhalter in the show.
  • Hogan’s Heroes has a flexible sense of geography. Hammelburg, the town closest to Stalag 13, is close to 550 km (330 miles) from the North Sea, but Klink says in the episode that it’s 60 km (36 miles) away. For that matter, Berlin is 450 km (270 miles) from Hammelburg, certainly much further than a day trip away.
  • Howard Morris directed this episode.

Sorry there’s no video with this episode. If I can figure out how to make the clips small enough to upload, I’ll add some short ones.

Hogan’s Heroes: Programming Note

I knew things were going too smoothly…

In order to write my synopses of the Hogan’s Heroes episodes, I’ve been relying on the videos on YouTube. Unfortunately, the videos have been removed, most likely by YouTube. I’ve ordered the full series on DVD, which should be arriving sometime next week, and once I get it, I’ll start posting the synopses again. You might say it was one of those "due to circumstances beyond our control" things.

Sorry for the delay…