Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1 Ep 18, “The Gold Rush”

LOGLINE: The Germans have stolen a gold shipment from the French and Hogan must convince Klink to have it moved to the safety of Stalag 13.

A new prisoner, Captain Martin, arrives at Stalag 13, but Klink is more interested in finding out what took Schultz four hours to bring him from Hammelburg. Schultz tells him that he couldn’t leave until the shipment of gold which was "confiscated" (i.e. stolen) from the National Bank of France was loaded so that it could be taken to Dusseldorf.

Hogan and the Heroes are listening in over the coffeepot, and decides that they need to take the gold out of circulation (i.e. steal it). He knows that to do that, he’ll need to get the Germans to bring the truck with the gold to Stalag 13. He has Kinch print up a map of Hammelburg and write a bomber’s notation to Martin to conduct a bombing raid to bomb the bank in Hammelburg.

When Hogan is summoned to Klink’s office, he brings the fake orders with him, and slips them in among Martin’s personal belongings. Klink takes them, reads the "plans" to bomb the bank in Hammelburg, and says they’ll just bring the gold to Dusseldorf. Hogan counters by saying that the Allies will just bomb Dusseldorf, and that he’s glad they don’t store the gold at Stalag 13, which is the safest place in Germany. This gives Klink an idea: call the Gestapo and have them move the gold to Stalag 13 (which, of course, was the whole idea).

Next, Hogan and his men are sweeping up the stairs and porch of the kommandant‘s office. Schultz passes them and, when he sees and hears that the men are working without being ordered to, walks away saying "I know NOTHING!" When Klink sees this, he demands an explanation, and Hogan tells him that they wanted the office to look good for the Gestapo when they come into camp with the gold. Impressed, Klink tells them to carry on. When he’s in his office, LeBeau pulls out a small saw and cuts a deep enough notch in the top step so that, when Klink steps down onto them, they collapse.

The Heroes wait outside their barracks, and, when they Schultz come out and step on the top step, panic, thinking he’ll break the steps and they’ll have to pick him up, but amazingly the steps don’t collapse. Now they’re worried that LeBeau didn’t cut a large enough notch in the step, but when Klink exits his office and steps down onto the steps, they collapse and Klink is on the ground. Hogan’s explanation is that it was caused by termites, and when Klink points out that the step appears to have been cut, Hogan claims it was done by saw-toothed termites. He volunteers his men to to rebuild the stairs, but not out of wood: he wants to build the steps out of bricks. Klink tells Schultz to get the appropriate materials issued to the men.

They’re piling up the bricks outside Barracks 2 when the gold arrives, led by Major Krieger of the Gestapo. Schultz leads the truck to behind the barracks, with LeBeau and Carter stringing up a clothesline to stop the truck so it’s lined up with the back window of the barracks. Newkirk, on the pretense of playing a game of darts with Kinch, throws a dart through the window and sticking it into the back tire of the truck and breaking the springs, keeping the truck there overnight. They drug the coffee Schultz brings for the guards to knock them out while Hogan and crew are working. They carry the guards into the barracks and Carter and Newkirk put on their uniforms and go out to stand guard (and help get the gold out of the truck).

LeBeau shoves the metal boxes of gold out the back of the truck as Carter and Newkirk carry it to the window of the barracks. From there, the boxes are handed, bucket brigade style, to the men inside the tunnel. They take the bricks for Klink’s stairs and dip them in gold paint, and take the gold bars and dip them in red paint. When the paint on the bricks is dry, they’re placed in the metal boxes and handed back out to Carter and Newkirk, who pass them to LeBeau inside the truck.

Things get a little dicey when Major Krieger comes out to check on how his men (i.e. Carter and Newkirk in disguise) are doing. He says something in German to Newkirk, and Newkirk responds more or less believably, so the Major walks away.

The brick painted gold are all in the truck, so Hogan and his men redress the two guards and carry them outside, sitting them up on the ground behind the truck. Hogan wakes the guards and tells them they fell asleep and it’s lucky that an officer didn’t catch them. The next day, Major Krieger and the truck full of "gold" leave the camp while Hogan and his men are building the steps out of "bricks." When they’re finished, Klink compliments them on their work, and Hogan assures him that they’re as "good as gold."

Major Krieger returns to Stalag 13, angry because the shipment was light, leading him to believe that some of the gold was pilfered. He tells Klink that he intends to search the entire camp. Klink retorts that he can do just that, takes the guard’s gun and tells Krieger "If you find one ounce of gold here, you can shoot me with this rifle!" He hits the step with the butt of the rifle, scratching the paint and exposing the gold. Hogan sees this and steps on the exposed area, then when Krieger and Klink stomp off to conduct their search, Hogan sits on the steps. When Klink comes back and wants to know if Hogan will accompany them, he says "I think I’ll sit this one out."

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Tom Hatten as Martin
  • Rick Traeger as Krieger
  • Pitt Herbert as Gestapo Guard #1 (the other guard is uncredited)

Notes:

  • Howard Morris directed this episode.
  • In future episodes, the stairs are back to being wood.
  • Pictures are from the episode, and I used them under Fair Use. They’re VLC screenshots. I probably won’t use as many in the future.

Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1, Ep 17, “Happy Birthday, Adolf”

LOGLINE: Hogan and his men must destroy a German anti-aircraft artillery unit so that the Allies can send in a bombing raid on Hitler’s birthday.

The Heroes receive a coded message from "Mama Bear": They want a probing raid (reconnaissance) in advance of a bombing raid scheduled in two days as a "present" for Adolf Hitler’s birthday. (Hitler’s birthday is April 20, when the weather in Germany is fairly mild, but it’s perpetually winter at Stalag 13.) They want to know troop movements and other information about what’s going on in Sector Q (which, so far, we know nothing about), and they need it by 3 PM, after which they’ll be observing radio silence until the raid is over. Hogan "volunteers" LeBeau to do the reconnaissance.

LeBeau does reconnaissance

LeBeau goes out dressed as an elderly woman and stops a few feet away from an area that’s surrounded by a chain link fence with a sign that says (in German) "Halt – Exclusion zone – Unauthorized access strictly prohibited." He looks at the activity going on, checks some maps, and starts back to camp.

He arrives back at the camp after 3 PM, for which he apologizes: he was accosted by a platoon of German soldiers and the increased presence of troops meant he had to take a long detour. The Germans have evidently moved in a gun emplacement at Schmeckhausen, along the beach where they would be able to shoot down any planes coming across. LeBeau says there are twelve guns, all of which shoot "88’s," 88mm (3.5 inch) artillery shells. All seems lost until LeBeau makes a comment about being a nice present for Hitler. This gives Hogan an idea…

Captain Hoganburg and his driver

In the next scene, Captain Hoganburg (Hogan in a German infantry officer’s uniform), accompanied by LeBeau in a corporal’s uniform, is standing in the office of Major Keitel (played by Howard Caine), with orders (forged by the guys in the print shop) stating that Keitel should turn over command of the camp to Hoganburg for the celebration of der Fuhrer’s birthday. Keitel is understandably upset, and calls "headquarters" (Newkirk and Kinchloe sitting atop a telephone pole near Keitel’s office with a telephone set) to confirm with Colonel Stimmer. Stimmer (Newkirk) tells Keitel to follow the orders as written, and tells him fix up the buildings where he is.

Keitel is upset by all of these demands. How is he to fix everything up in time for the festivities, and Hoganburg has a suggestion: why not call Klink at Stalag 13 and ask him for help? With that, Hogan and LeBeau depart.

Hogan and Helga having a private moment

Back at Stalag 13, Hogan and Helga are busy making out as he waits for the commandant, and he asks her if she’d like to go to a party the next night and bring along a couple of her friends, "a nice assortment of blondes, brunettes, and redheads." She wants to know how he’s going to get out of camp, and he goes over to the door of Klink’s office and eavesdrops on the conversation Klink is having with Keitel. Klink is adamant about not letting the prisoners out of camp, but when he hears what the occasion is, he’s more than willing to help.

Klink tells Helga to get Hogan, who just happens to be there to request two hours’ extra electric light because of Hitler’s birthday. Klink assumes it’s so Hogan and his men can dig an escape tunnel and denies the request, and Hogan assures him they’ve finished the tunnel, now they’re putting in an elevator. Klink stands and walks around his desk (giving Hogan time to put the pickelhaube helmet from Klink’s desk onto the chair) and says that, if Hogan and his men agree to work at Schmeckhausen, he’ll get 40 extra minutes of electric light. They bicker and settle on a price of one extra hour of electric light and two ballgames, and Hogan departs, stopping to kiss Helga and to hear Klink’s reaction when he sits on the helmet…

Note the helmet on the chair

Next scene, Schultz brings the work detail to Schmeckhausen, and they decorate a room for the party, complete with balloons, streamers, and a banner that says "Happy Birthday Adolph." (Yes, they spell it that way and no, none of the Germans says anything about it.) When finishhed, Schultz counts the men as they get back onto the truck. After being counted, Carter, Newkirk, and LeBeau get out of the truck and hide. They dress in German uniforms, with Hogan dressed as their captain, and he warns them not to talk. LeBeau asks if it’s OK to whistle at the girls, and Hogan says "Only in German."

Hogan (as Hoganburg) is arguing with Keitel, who argues that he feels he should remain in command. Hoganburg argues that the orders are for Keitel to have a good time. On the pretense that he’s yelling at LeBeau, Hogan tells him to fetch the girls. As the argument continues, Helga and her friend, both looking gorgeous and dressed to kill, walk past, drawing Keitel’s attention. When he sees them standing and waiting for him, Keitel says "Call me if you need me."

Major Keitel and his dates for the Fuhrer’s birthday party

Hogan and crew set about doing the mischief they intended to do.

Back at Stalag 13, the men change from the German uniforms back into their usual clothes. LeBeau pours a bottle of wine ("practically vinegar," he says) into a decanter for Hogan to take to Klink’s office. In Klink’s office, Hogan sits with Klink and Schultz, drinking the wine and telling bad jokes.

In Schmeckhausen, the party goes on as an Allied assault mounts. When the air raid sirens begin to blast, Keitel and his men go out and man the artillery. All the guns are pointed at where the Allies are flying, and Keitel gives the order to fire. But, instead of 88mm shells, these pop out of the guns…

All Keitel can do is say "schweinhund!" over and over.

The next day, Keitel is in Klink’s office, arguing that the prisoners who set up the party sabotaged the guns. Klink fires back that the prisoners were all accounted for and couldn’t have done anything, and forces Keitel to admit that they did an excellent job getting ready for the party. Keitel says that Berlin will hear about it and storms out. Hogan, who’s listened to the whole argument, hides his face as Keitel passes him. Klink tells Hogan that, since they did such a good job cleaning up in Schmeckhausen, he’d like them to do the same. He and Hogan get into a negotiating war, with Helga watching, as the episode fades out.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Howard Caine as Keitel

Hogan’s Heroes: S1 Ep 16, “Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13”

LOGLINE: Hogan talks Klink into building an officers’ club, whereby a boat can be built to sail away with an escaped British POW and the German gunsight he snagged while escaping.

Hogan and LeBeau are on the road, waiting for Michaels, a British POW who has escaped Stalag 5, when the run into Schultz. Schultz is angry, reminding Hogan that he’s not supposed to leave the camp for any reason, and Hogan tells him they’re just out there to meet someone. Michaels drives up in a German truck, and tells Hogan that when he took the truck he didn’t realize that there was a new computerized gun sight, and suggests they take it apart, make blueprints, and send them to London. Hogan tells Michaels that he has a better idea, to send the gun sight back to London with him. Hogan, LeBeau, and Michaels start back to camp, and ask Schultz to hide the truck for them.

Later, in Klink’s office with Schultz, Klink is waving his riding crop in Hogan’s face, and asks if the name "Michaels" means anything. Hogan jokes that he knows a girl in England named Diane Michaels. Klink tells him that the Michaels he’s talking about has a mustache, and Hogan says, "no, that must be a different girl." Klink explains that "the fools at Stalag 5" allowed Michaels to escape with one of their trucks, and he was last seen headed for the coast, but he suddenly disappeared, truck and all. Klink believes that Michaels is in the area and intends to find him, and sends Schultz off to look for the truck.

In the tunnel, Hogan and the Heroes, with Michaels, are gathered around the shortwave set. The person back in London (who sounds suspiciously like Richard Dawson) says that they’d like Hogan to send both the gun sight and Michaels back as soon as possible, and when Hogan asks when the sub can make the pickup, he’s informed that the sub is unavailable and tells Hogan to figure out a way to get both back to London. Hogan says he will and signs off. Immediately Michaels and the Heroes want to know what Hogan has in mind, and Hogan says "If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s men with small, petty minds." Most likely meaning he has no idea.

Helga is filing papers when Hogan arrives with an affectionate "hello" and asks her if Klink is in his office. She says yes and walks him in. Klink is "very busy," but if Hogan insists… Hogan is standing right behind him when he turns around. Hogan gives him a duty roster and suddenly grabs Klink and helps him into his chair, seemingly concerned about his health. Helga plays along, running out of the room in tears.

Hogan suggests that Klink needs a place to relax and destress, and suggests an officer’s club "like the one they have at Stalag 5," which "Carter told [him] about." He sells Klink on the idea, and says that the best man to design it is LeBeau. Klink doesn’t like the idea of his men taking orders from a French corporal, but Hogan tells him that LeBeau gets his orders from Klink, so there should be no problem with it.

We then see that LeBeau’s vision for the officer’s club is a boat, complete with a figurehead that kind of looks like Helga. Schultz wants to know why LeBeau is building a ship in a prison camp, and what’s going to happen with Captain Michaels. When Hogan tries to tell him, Schultz decides he wants to know nothing about it. Klink arrives and demands to know why they’re building a ship, and Hogan tells him that there’s no better way to show "the real you." This pleases him, and he walks around to admire the whole boat. Kinch tells Hogan that he got a message from London that bad weather is expected, and Michels and the gun sight should leave the next night. At that moment, Klink comes up and says that he plans on having a party on his yacht the next night.

Klink emerges from his office into the reception area wearing a blue blazer, ascot, and captain’s hat, and begins a clumsy attempt to hit on Helga, calling her his Lorelei. It’s not obvious whether she finds his advances amusing or disgusting (probably both), but it ends when Hogan comes in to discuss plans for the party with Klink. As they’re talking, he mentions the guest list, specifically General Burkhalter, who Klink hasn’t invited. Hogan is aghast, saying that omitting one’s commanding officer would be seen as a major affront in the US Army. Hogan leaves as Klink tells Helga to call Burkhalter in Berlin.

Outside, LeBeau and Carter are supervising the loading of the party stuff onto the boat, including champagne and a crate marked "HORS D’OEUVRES" which contains the gun sight. Hogan comes out and asks Carter if he remembers what to say to Klink. Carter confirms Burkhalter’s name, which he promptly forgets when he gets into Klink’s office.

Carter’s story is that, when General Burkhalter saw the officer’s club at Stalag 5, he became incensed at the extravagance, and told the guy to get rid of it or he would be on his way to the Russian front. Klink, having gotten a call that Burkhalter is on his way and will be at Stalag 13 in an hour, runs out in a panic and tells Hogan and his men to destroy the ship. Hogan tells him that the men have put a lot of work into it, and suggests that instead of destroying it, maybe they should tow the boat to the North Sea and leave it there until after the war. Klink sends a squad of men to make sure that there’s no problem getting rid of the boat.

Hogan asks the squad leader if they would grab the lifeboat (where Captain Michaels is hidden) and load it onto the boat. They do so, and the squad leader and one of his men drive the boat out of Stalag 13 and presumably to the North Sea.

Burkhalter, who was obviously prepared for a far more enjoyable time than a dinner of stale sauerbraten at the officer’s mess, leaves after threatening Klink with transfer to the Russian Front. As he leaves, Hogan drives up to Klink in the truck that Michaels stole from Stalag 5. Klink gets the idea that, since the truck was out in the woods, Michaels must be as well, and sends his men to search for him.

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Leon Askin as Burkhalter
  • Michael St. Clair as Michaels

Notes:

  • While this was the 16th episode in season 1, it was one of the earliest episodes filmed. Burkhalter is referred to as "Col. Burkhalter" in the credits, even though he’s called General Burkhalter in the show.
  • Hogan’s Heroes has a flexible sense of geography. Hammelburg, the town closest to Stalag 13, is close to 550 km (330 miles) from the North Sea, but Klink says in the episode that it’s 60 km (36 miles) away. For that matter, Berlin is 450 km (270 miles) from Hammelburg, certainly much further than a day trip away.
  • Howard Morris directed this episode.

Sorry there’s no video with this episode. If I can figure out how to make the clips small enough to upload, I’ll add some short ones.

Hogan’s Heroes: Programming Note

I knew things were going too smoothly…

In order to write my synopses of the Hogan’s Heroes episodes, I’ve been relying on the videos on YouTube. Unfortunately, the videos have been removed, most likely by YouTube. I’ve ordered the full series on DVD, which should be arriving sometime next week, and once I get it, I’ll start posting the synopses again. You might say it was one of those "due to circumstances beyond our control" things.

Sorry for the delay…

Hogan’s Heroes: Season 1 Ep 15, “Reservations Are Required”

LOGLINE: During an operation to send out twenty Allied soldiers, two of them attempt an early escape and are nearly captured.

LeBeau leaves the camp to dig for mushrooms when he’s accosted by two American soldiers, Braden and Mills, who tell him they’ve escaped from Stalag 9 and need to talk to Hogan about setting it up. LeBeau asks them if they have a reservation, that they’re backed up until New Year’s Eve, but agrees to take them to see Hogan. One of them whistles and eighteen additional POW’s emerge from the dark.

LeBeau brings the twenty escapees in through the tunnel and up into the barracks, where Hogan explains that they normally help one or two at a time, and that this will be the first venture into the wholesale business. Newkirk will get them clothes, Carter will be responsible for furnishing them with forged papers and money, and Kinch will call and arrange a submarine to pick them up, "a big one, with a trailer." Braden seems upset that it will take so long for all of them to be outfitted and dispatched, and Mills explains that he’s "rock happy" (i.e. stir crazy).

Klink gets a call from General Burkhalter telling him about the escape, and that the kommandant has been sent to the Russian front. Burkhalter orders him to look out for the escapees and not to let down his guard against his own prisoners. (Klink is his usual obsequious self, reminding the General for the unpteenth time that "there has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13.") Klink asks to speak to Hogan, who has been in the outer office, necking with Helga as he tries to find out why Klink wanted to see him.

Klink tells Hogan about the escape and warns him not to get any ideas about escaping themselves and not to get any ideas about tunneling out. Naturally he reassures the kommandant that neither will happen, because "who’d want to leave all this beauty?" On his way out of Klink’s office, he asks how the men from Stalag 9 escaped. After Klink tells him they dug a tunnel and warns him not to get any ideas, Hogan says that they’ll use a helicopter.

That night in the tunnel, Braden wakes Mills and tells him that a water truck from a nearby construction site stops at the camp to refill daily, and that if they can get into the truck and into the tank, they’ll be able to escape. Mills says that Hogan and crew will be getting them out, but Braden persists. Here’s what happens the next day…

The next day, Hogan comes into the barracks and gets upset when he sees the Heroes sitting around playing cards. Carter says they’re all ready, and even moved the entrance to the tunnel. Hogan searches the barracks, but can’t find the entrance, which Carter and Newkirk reveal is under a wash basin.

The escapees are lined up in the barracks, dressed as German civilians, and Hogan sends LeBeau down into the tunnel to coordinate things at the other end. The escapees follow him down into the tunnel. LeBeau climbs up the ladder to ground level and dscovers two German soldiers right outside the entrance. He runs back and tells Hogan, who decides to "exchange one end of the tunnel for the other," and tells him, Carter, and Newkirk to go to the other end and give themselves up. They are not happy about that: Carter wants a transfer to the Paratroopers, and LeBeau asks what happens in the US Army if one shoots an officer, claiming that in his Army they get the Croix de Guerre.

Hogan tells Braden to get the rest of his men into the tunnel, and when he heard two stomps on the floor above, move the men out.

Carter, Newkirk, and LeBeau pop out of the tunnel and, as requested, get captured. Klink, half dressed, demands to know where the other end of the tunnel is, andNewkirk tells him, under "duress," that it’s in hut number three.

Hogan, Kinch, and the rest of the residents of hut number three are putting on the show of closing up the tunnel as Klink, Schultz, and the rest of the guards arrive. As he talks with Hogan, he struggles with putting on his boots. Schultz tries to help him, but he loses his patience and stomps twice on the floor to get his boot on, starting the escapees on their way. As punishment, Klink makes the Heroes fill in the tunnel, then sentences them all to 30 days in the cooler. As his men are being led off, Klink wants to know if Hogan would like to join them. Hogan says he’d like to, but he has to wait for the helicopter…

CAST:

  • Bob Crane as Hogan
  • Werner Klemperer as Klink
  • John Banner as Schultz
  • Robert Clary as LeBeau
  • Richard Dawson as Newkirk
  • Ivan Dixon as Kinchloe
  • Larry Hovis as Carter
  • Cynthia Lynn as Helga
  • Robert Hogan as Braden
  • Dennis Robertson as Mills

Bernard Fein, one of the creators of the series, was a friend of Robert Hogan (the actor), and named Bob Crane’s character after him.

Coming up: Episode 16, "Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13."