Read the Instructions! #socs

The instructions for this week are to write out the instructions for something I know how to do. For some reason, all I can think of is this Monty Python sketch.

Did one of your teachers ever give you a test like this one?

This quiz tests how well you can follow instructions. You may use either pen or pencil to complete it. Be sure and read all the instructions before proceeding.

1. Write your name in the lower left-hand corner of the page..
2. On the first line on the paper write the numbers 1 through 9. Start at the left and print the numbers. Leave a space between each number.
3. Circle the number 6.
4. Draw a star in the upper left-hand corner of the page.
5. Draw a triangle around this instruction number and underline this instruction.
6. Turn the paper over and draw five squares, one in the middle and one in each corner of the paper.
7. Turn the paper back over and fold it in half the long way.
8. Open up your paper, then fold it the opposite way.
9. Use the tip of your pen or pencil to poke a hole in the center of the paper (the place where the two folds meet).
10. Draw a heart around the hole you made in your paper.
11. Stand up and turn around three times, then sit back down.
12. Write the time in the upper right-hand corner of the page.
13. Look out the window and write whether it’s sunny or cloudy outside.
14. Look at the person next to you and write whether he or she is left- or right-handed here: _______________
15. In the lower right-hand corner of the page, write the word done.
16. Now that you’ve read all the instructions, just do #1.

The amazing thing is that, no matter how many times someone sees this, there will always be a few people who’ll be standing up and turning around, looking at the clock, and punching a hole in the paper.

Maybe this wasn’t exactly what Linda had in mind, but when has that ever stopped me?

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. Now a word about Toast’em Animals. For a limited time, on specially marked boxes of Toast’em Animals, free wild and funny Hot Spots that glow in the dark!

Anyone remember these? I don’t…

Plenty Good! #socs

Everybody sing!

Once upon a time there was an engineer,
Choo-Choo Charlie was his name, we hear,
He had an engine and he sure had fun
He used Good & Plenty candy to make his train run!

(Charlie says) Love my Good & Plenty!
(Charlie says) Really rings a bell! DING!
(Charlie says) Love my Good & Plenty,
Don’t know any other candy that I love so well!

He ran for class president on the platform “A vote for Good & Plenty is a vote for me!”

If you’ve never had the pleasure of having Good & Plenty, they were little capsule-shaped pieces of licorice wrapped in pink or white candy shells. Don’t like licorice? (Good, more for me!) They also made Good & Fruity, which were along the same lines but fruit flavored, and a lot chewier…

And, as you probably surmised, when you shake the box over and over, it sounds like a train, as demonstrated in this 1984 commercial by, among others, Jason Alexander.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. Now a word from AMF, makers of the Impact KE-21 bowling ball. It’s almost unfair!

Bet you thought you weren’t going to get a commercial this week. HA! You got five!

Three Things About Four (or fore, or for) #socs

When I saw that one of today’s words was fore, I couldn’t help but think about this scene from Caddyshack.

Four is the number of people who asked for a sign with the words from the other day’s one-liner. How’s this?

Click on it, and get the full-sized one.

On Thursday, I talked about a couple of YouTube channels that I’ve been watching. I’ve been spending a lot of time the last couple of days watching episodes from Dan Bell’s “Dead Mall” series. As I watch as these magnificent shopping centers that just a few years ago were bustling with activity slowly edge their way to their death, I find myself thinking about all the people involved in the building of them, the people who ran the electrical lines and the plumbing, the people who laid the carpet and tile, the people who put up the drywall and lighting for the individual stores, all the things that went into making them the great places they were, and I find myself asking “what for?” Why did they do all that, if it was just going to be torn down anyway? I know the reasons why the malls have ended up being dead zones (the Internet, Amazon, Walmart etc.), but even so, there were people who put their lives and their work into building them, and people who worked the stores, and cleaned the public areas, and patroled the premises. And now it’s gone, or sitting there empty, rotting and molding, wating for the wrecking ball to destroy it once and tear down all that work and care that went into creating the place.

Roger von Oech, who wrote the book A Whack On The Side Of The Head, said that to get creative ideas, go and look at garbage dumps and demolition sites, because that’s what happens to everything eventually. I have a better understanding of what that means now.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. Now a word about Sara Lee Danishes, in ceam cheese, apple and cinnamon. They’re more than delicious, they’re Sara-licious!

Les Feuilles Mortes #socs

It’s weird that, on the second day of summer, I’m writing about fall, or if you prefer, autumn, but when I hear “leaves” that’s where my mind goes, maybe because of the song “Autumn Leaves.” Here’s a beautiful version of the song done by the late Eva Cassidy.

Jim Gaffigan has a particularly funny take on fall…

Fall is the season when professional hockey starts in North America, and wouldn’t you know, one of the teams is the Toronto Maple Leafs?

That’s the Maple Leafs, not the Maple Leaves. That way, you can say that Mitch Marner is a Toronto Maple Leaf and John Tavares is a Maple Leaf, and together they’re two Maple Leafs. Saying they were Maple Leaves would just be weird. Kind of like this discussion…

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you each week by Linda Hill and this station. Now a word from Post, makers of Fruity and Chocolate Pebbles. They’re fruity-licious!